plus an alligator in a bar.as collected by robert e. mckenzie
i just filled out my income tax forms. who says you cannot get killed by a blank?
taxation is based on supply and demand. we supply when the government demands.
more: a tax lawyer at the pearly gates | gargoyles in the irs? | tax season funnies: the ‘service’ in irs
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when congress writes the tax laws, they often leave it to the irs to “fill in the details” with specific instructions. that’s like asking a hungry lion to protect the sheep from the wolves.
“when you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the irs.” – bumper sticker
you have to admire the irs. any organization that makes that much money without advertising deserves respect.
“i feel honored to pay taxes in america. the thing is i could feel just as honored at half the price.” – arthur godfrey
“life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” – john lennon
“mama always said: ‘life is like a box of chocolates … you never know what you’re gonna get.’” – forrest gump
“i didn’t attend the funeral, but i sent a nice letter saying i approved of it.” – mark twain
“his mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” – mae west
a man walks into a restaurant with his pet alligator under his arm.
“do you serve tax collectors?” he asks the barman.
“of course,” says the barman.
“well,” replies the man, “i’ll have a beer, and my alligator will have a tax collector.”
and finally …
a new york tax lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. saint peter asked him, “what have you done to merit entrance into heaven?”
the lawyer thought a moment, then said, “a week ago, i gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” saint peter asked gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment gabriel affirmed that this was true.
saint peter said, “well, that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into heaven.” the lawyer said, “wait wait! there’s more! three years ago i also gave a homeless person a quarter.” saint peter nodded to gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
saint peter then whispered to gabriel, “well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?”
gabriel gave the lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to saint peter, “let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to hell.”
